Ghosting, gaslighting, negging; the present has brought us some not-so-great dating trends.
Now we have a new one to add to our lexicon. Quiet dumping, a cross between quiet quitting and ghosting, is on the rise.
What is it?
Quiet dumping is derived from the job trend quiet quitting, which is currently flooding the social media world, especially TikTok. Quiet quitting describes a behavioral pattern in the working world where people only put the minimum amount of energy into their job and are actively looking for something new.
This trend has now been transferred to the dating world. A person who is quiet dumping their partner gradually distances themselves without seeking an open conversation, hoping that the other person will become aware of the problem on their own and, in the best case, end the relationship on their own.
The journal Psychology Today that this slow “phasing out,” or quiet quitting of a relationship, is a form of gaslighting (which is deliberately manipulating and unsettling a person’s perception of reality). In short, people who are gaslit are persuaded that they are merely imagining problems.
Transferred to a partnership, this is even worse. Because not only does the “dumper” avoid responsibility, they also convince their partner that his or her feelings (jealousy, restlessness, worry) that something is wrong are unfounded or even imaginary.
Quiet dumping can thus be even more painful than ghosting, in which a person simply disappears without notice and never contacts their romantic partner or love interest again. While this also hurts, it at least ends a relationship. With quiet dumping, the end is artificially drawn out.
Why do people do it?
Often, people who quiet-dump a partner aren’t being malicious. They are just avoiding having the difficult breakup conversation or putting themselves in a situation that is emotionally stressful. However, this comes at the expense of the other person.
Why are so many people avoiding unpleasant situations lately, whether in their working lives or in partnerships, by quiet dumping or quiet quitting? It could be because of current events. With a pandemic, climate change, a war in the middle of Europe, and the ensuing economic and political uncertainty, many people simply do not have the capacity for even more stress. They feel exhausted and have no energy to face more unpleasant situations.
And yet, since we’re adults, that’s exactly what we should do—for a person who once meant a lot to us and probably still does.
How should you handle being quiet dumped?
If you feel you are being quiet dumped, you should listen to your gut, confront your partner, and don’t let them dismiss you. Our feelings are always valid, no matter if someone tries to deny them.
If the situation cannot be clarified through confrontational talks, you should just be the one to end the relationship yourself. This hurts, but at least you take back control of the situation, respect your own emotions, and act maturely. This doesn’t help you get over the grief, but it should at least be a small consolation.
How do you protect yourself from quiet dumping?
Can you protect yourself from quiet dumping in advance? Of course, you can never predict how a relationship and a partner will develop, but to protect yourself overall from tactics like quiet dumping, you should work on building a healthy relationship before you get to that point.
Communication is especially important in this regard. Quiet dumping occurs, among other things, when someone in the relationship is afraid to address something that bothers him or her. Regular relationship check-ins can help prevent such communication problems. Neither of you should be afraid to talk about your feelings and needs.
This article first appeared on Glamour .
